I had a friend. He decided to leave my life because the life I chose doesn’t fit the life he would have had me chose. Thats fine. But the reasons why he came to the conclusion are puzzeling me.

His recollection of events are entirely different than mine. Basic events are the same, but the details that color a situation are entirely different. In my version, I was open and honest about everything the entire time. In his version, he got dissapointed and now has a bad taste in his mouth and he feels betrayed.

The truth might be somewhere in between, maybe. Who knows? I know I wrote some of my thoughts down and talked back than with Hass about it and it seems closer to my recolecction than his – but who knows when my memory started betraying me. Maybe right after it had happened ?!

It is a scientific fact that memories are stories our brain tells our consciousness. There are so many experiments, where you can prove that memories are not very reliable. And if you don’t change the story, someone else can change it for you. One test I remember of the top of my head: The testers set up a robbery and afterwards asked unsuspecting witnesses what they had seen. People have been sure of their story. One witness was planted and told in front of the others an entire different story. Every body else was asked again. Just 1 out of 7 people was able to still tell the true story afterwards.

Memories are tainted by your wishes and expectations, other experiences, how sharp your mind has been or if your mind was still occupied with other things. Conversations you had from then to now and what story you tell yourself about yourself. Are you a victim or hero….and lots of other factors.

And yet, we only have our memory to rely on in our day to day life.

For this friend and me the door seems to have slammed shut for good now.
He rememberd things that I have seen, felt, thought, said differently than I do. He hoped for something that could have been once, but was ill timed. Additional emotions are confusing and are able to change. He doesn’t understand that and thinks he had been lied to. That is unfortunate, for I would have liked to keep in touch. Though he thinks differently I have missed him and our conversations. I just don’t have the energy to play “he did/said – she did/said” because it won’t change how bitter he feels about unconsistant me.

That’s alright. I hope he finds peace and someone that can be unchanging – his rock in the waves under moonshine.
I see myself rather like the waves. On the first look exactly the same but every day filled with new and unique things and traveling under sun and moon.

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